Outer Beauty, Inner Calm
There it was. I was taken aback. A text from a well-meaning (?) friend in response to my digital beauty newsletter:
Reading it again now, the sting isn’t quite there. But when I first read it, all I “read” was:
“What you are doing Liz is so trivial and silly. It doesn’t matter. I, on the other hand, am a doctor and am doing incredible things to change the world for the better!”
Of course, the text doesn’t say the above, but that’s how I read it. And that’s often what I “hear” when people negatively comment on my business (“you went where to college and you’re a makeup artist?”). I always feel the need to tell them it’s a second career. That I was “legit” before. We all do that right? Jump to the negative when someone’s comments touch a nerve. In my case, it really boils down to this: “Am I shallow for caring about beauty?”
Over the years since I started my beauty business, I have thought about this question a lot.
I mean why DO I care about beauty? And does what I do matter?
I know many have the same question for their own careers in areas that may not “save the planet” or “save a life in the ER”. But the beauty arena, in particular, takes a hit when discussions of “what’s it all about Alfie?” start.
In her recent book, Outer Order, Inner Calm, the author Gretchen Rubin addresses this issue herself:
“Some people ask me, Given the problems of the world, isn’t it superficial and silly to devote time, energy, money, or concern to tackling clutter? We may be deeply worried about the problems of the world, and we’re right to be worried. Yet the promise of outer order is something that we can tackle on our own right now. By doing so, we help restore our equanimity — and this isn’t a futile or selfish gesture, because that equanimity makes us more effective when we seek to address the problems of the world.”
When I read that, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted. THAT is EXACTLY how I feel about taking care of oneself. THAT is EXACTLY how I feel about liking what I see in the mirror, or when I catch a glimpse of my visage in a window.
Gretchen writes about the key reasons why clearing clutter helps us to feel more control in our lives. With apologies to Gretchen, I have taken her ideas and substituted a beauty overlay. I hope it’s thought provoking and enjoyable to you!
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In the context of a happy life, a groomed brow, or chic haircut is a trivial pursuit — yet getting control of our appearance often makes it easier to feel more in control of our lives generally. Often, when disorder starts to creep in, I think, I don’t have time to apply my makeup right now! I’m too busy to deal with it! But I’ve learned that by managing my appearance, I can improve my emotional attitude, my physical health, my intellectual vigor, and even my social life.
- CARING ABOUT MY OUTER APPEARANCE SAVES TIME, MONEY, SPACE, ENERGY, AND PATIENCE. I move more smoothly through my days. I don’t waste time worrying about how I look to someone else; I feel less frustrated, less rushed, and less insecure.
- CARING ABOUT MY OUTER APPEARANCE FOSTERS PEACE WITHIN RELATIONSHIPS. I spend less time nagging at or arguing with other people. I avoid boring questions like “Where did this wrinkle come from?” “What do I do with this product?” “Why are there bags under my eyes?”
- CARING ABOUT MY OUTER APPEARANCE CREATES A FEELING OF SANCTUARY. Once visual “noise” is eliminated, I feel more focused and there’s more room in my mind, my schedule, and my space for creative activity. Instead of being a source of stress, my appearance is a place of comfort and energy.
- CARING ABOUT MY OUTER APPEARANCE REDUCES GUILT. I know I am doing the best I can to prevent skin cancer, scars, making the most of what God gave me, and the money my parents paid for my braces. I feel relieved of guilt about the makeup I’ve never used since I donated it to others. Because I make better use of what I already own, I can buy less in the future.
- CARING ABOUT MY OUTER APPEARANCE ALLOWS ME TO PROJECT A MORE POSITIVE IDENTITY TO MYSELF AND TO THE WORLD. I feel greater self - possession; I feel more self - assured and capable. Once I’ve highlighted the areas of my face and body that I love, it reveals to me, and to others, the things that matter most to me. Careful curation means that my appearance reflects my truest identity.
- CARING ABOUT MY OUTER APPEARANCE RELIEVES ME OF THE FEAR OF PEOPLE’S JUDGMENT. I’m more hospitable because I can invite people over without hours of preparatory grooming. I don’t panic at the prospect of an unexpected guest or running in to someone when I am out and about. I’m pleased to see others.
- CARING ABOUT MY OUTER APPEARANCE REFLECTS WHAT’S HAPPENING NOW IN MY LIFE. I like to stay current within reason with the beauty trends that are popular now. I keep a few precious mementos from the old days (like my nude lipsticks) but most of my makeup and my thoughts about my appearance are devoted to what’s important now and I don’t worry about that new wrinkle or that mole, because I am doing the best I can.
- CARING ABOUT MY OUTER APPEARANCE CREATES A SENSE OF POSSIBILITY. When I’ve let certain personal grooming or styling issues “go too long”, I feel paralyzed. The “work” seems insurmountable, so I stay stuck.
- CARING ABOUT MY OUTER APPEARANCE SHARPENS MY SENSE OF PURPOSEFULNESS. I know what my best attributes are to me, why I have them, and the best steps or appointments I need to keep them that way.
Our appearance shapes our thoughts and changes our moods. It can be challenging to influence our thoughts and actions directly; by improving the state of our appearance, we can improve our state of mind.
Because our minds feed on the experience of our five senses, pleasing our senses raises our spirits.
We all must face personal styling in the way that’s right for us. There’s no one “right” or “best” way to create a better look. In fact, we should work to improve our outer appearance only if it makes us happier. There’s no magic in wearing lip gloss, or filling in our brow tails, or applying our skincare each night. When getting advice, we love to receive a precise, standardized template for success, and when giving advice, we love to insist that the strategy that works so well for us will surely work for others.
But each of us must find our own way.
Some people want to wear very little makeup each day; some people want to wear a “full face”. Some people feel a strong emotional or mystical attachment to their lipstick; others don’t feel much connection to their makeup at all. Some people curate their makeup, hair and skincare products with great care; others put little thought into what they buy and where or how they apply it. Some people are powerfully attracted by the promise of minimalism — and some people aren’t.
Nevertheless, while each of us might define and achieve our outer appearance in different ways, it’s clear that for most people, caring about our outer appearance does indeed contribute to inner calm.
Step by step — as part of our ordinary routine, without spending a lot of time, energy, or money — we can create an outer appearance for ourselves that helps us to live happier, healthier, more productive, and more creative lives.
Whenever you read this, and wherever you are, you’re in the right place to begin.
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With gratitude to Gretchen Rubin.